sex-positivity in practice
About Demimonde Therapy
Have shame or stigma prevented you from connecting with others? Finding peace with who you are? Have these heavy feelings prevented you from achieving your goals in life?
You are not alone in your struggles. We live in a shame based culture. Shame and stigma can come from outside influences of the dominant culture; our families, work, religious institutions, social communities, media. Stigma can reinforce dangerous marginalization and further isolate vulnerable people. The influence of dominant culture can make us feel small and force us to contort ourselves into a single mold that we simply cannot fit. Often, these unhelpful influences force us to mask something special and remarkable; talents, identities, passions, ways of living or loving that are unappreciated, misunderstood and even repudiated. As a sex and trauma therapist, it is my work to unburden my clients of these influences.
Understandably, seeking sex therapy can be intimidating and, paradoxically, tethered to shame. Sex therapy isn’t all about dysfunction and pathology; it’s about expansion, creativity, self acceptance and learning. Though clients can arrive to the work believing they are broken, the work isn’t “fixing” it is more like repairing, building and letting go of unhelpful beliefs. Sex therapy is a safe, nonjudgmental place to land, explore and build confidence. My job is to help you to understand and appreciate yourself better, so you can start having the kinds of experiences and relationships that excite and fulfill you. Sometimes it can feel like self acceptance is the road to failure (“I give up.”), and it makes so much sense why so many people have this contradictory belief. But, when you can accept yourself, you can make choices that align with your values, and set goals that feel kinder and gentler rather than punishing. Self acceptance is square one and the path unfolds from there.
My approach to sex therapy is a little different. I am trained to help couples in reconnecting intimately, but that is not the focus of my work. I primarily work with individuals on self acceptance, improving their relationships and in helping them explore their sexual identities in ways that are safe, sustainable and consensual. My client focus is typically those who are anywhere from curious to passionate about BDSM, kink and fetishism. I do also practice relationship therapy, and I work with couples, friends, coworkers, polycules and most other adult (non familial) relationship systems. I am happy to work with monogamous folks, but most of my work is in supporting ethical non monogamy and polyamorous relationships. I also welcome sex workers and those who love them and patronize them. I am fluent in all the above. I do not work with minors or family systems. In terms of certification, I am not currently AASECT certified but I have received sex therapy training and continue to pursue education and consultation. I also draw from my life experience of existing within sexually marginalized communities.
In addition to sex therapy training, I am also an EMDR trained therapist. EMDR, a form of trauma therapy, is an incredibly helpful supplement to sex therapy. Likewise, sex therapy is often a helpful supplement to trauma therapy. Oftentimes people seek therapy because their sexualities have become associated with traumatic events, and they need help uncoupling violence from intimacy. I am able to offer both the trauma recovery as well as the building up of a safe erotic self. I have supported the recovery of folks suffering with sex related trauma, religious and military programming, children of alcoholic, immature and emotionally unstable parents, as well as intimate partner violence, psychological torture, cultural stress and most pervasively, poverty.
It has been my life and my personal experiences in navigating stigma that have led me to sit in compassion, curiosity and understanding of my clients. I understand innately the social construction of reality, and how we work within, without and on the fringes of those constructions. Hence, “demimonde.” The demimonde means “half world” which in more colloquial terms refers to the underground or subculture. It’s a term from the late 19th century, specifically referring to the people who populate the “underbelly” of polite French society. It described populations who threatened the very institutions that were constructed to oppress and control them. “Fallen women” (women with sexual agency), artists, queer folk, the disabled and mentally ill. These are my people, and subculture has always been my home and identity.
I hope to empower you to live a life that is authentically yours. I am looking forward to helping you find the strength and inner peace in and out of relationships to both advocate for yourself and to be accountable and compassionate towards others, heal and integrate trauma and to take control as the author of your story and architect of your identity.
Who am I?
My name is Morgan Filmer, I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT). Human sexuality and eroticism have been intellectual and artistic fixations of mine since I was an adolescent. Sex therapy is also my first career, at the tail end of the first quarter century of my life. My work background is what we call in the field “unconventional.” For me, work was just a means to an end, rather than accolades of achievement or…building financial stability. My life was (and to some extent still is) more oriented around experience and expression rather than climbing ladders or existing within a corporate structure or academia.
Much of my employment has been in labor, art, advocacy or speaking engagements. I worked in hospitality as a bartender and barista, in retail as a grocery store cashier and various seasonal jobs and as a freelance art model. Most prominently, I was a stripper for 5 years leading up to becoming a therapist. I was involved in the adult industry as a worker and advocate consistently since 2011 until 2020. I have volunteered with the Sex Workers Outreach Project coordinating fundraising, doing street outreach and harm reduction work. As a working artist, I hosted DIY events and did some fetish modeling. In 2017 I illustrated the Slutist Tarot and wrote a guidebook which was published by my longterm collaborator Kristen Sollee. We sold over 2,000 copies and was the first tarot deck to combine depictions of BDSM, sex workers, trans folks and people with disabilities. I guest lectured at the New School in NYC for Kristen Sollee’s Legacy of the Witch course, I participated in the rewriting of the Declaration of Sentiments lead by Anne Elizabeth Moore at the Newberry Library, likewise with the Ladydrawers Comics Collective I participated in panels and cohosted workshops at Women and Children First, Northwestern University and Columbia College. For a few years I DJ’d darkwave nights and hosted a college radio show.
I was briefly in cosmetology school to become a hair dresser, but had to drop out due to financial constraints. I was also accepted to a masters program in humanities and social thought at NYU, but the rent was too damn high and I had a small dog to feed. I grew up in Arizona and lived in New Mexico and Colorado as a child, as an adult I have lived mostly in Chicago with a few years in NYC. Needless to say, my professional and personal life experiences have been eclectic rather than traditional. I have also learned how powerful it can be to change direction when something isn’t working, and change my mind. Life is full of stops and starts. Some would view that as a series of failures, my view is that it’s more like chapters beginning and ending that all create the story of my life. I left no stone unturned and I never need to ask “what if” about those uncharted territories. I also never had to feel shame about admitting “this just isn’t working for me.”
Today, I still pursue my passions though at a slower rate due to juggling work, being an adult, a pet parent and living with chronic illness. I’ve been playing Dungeons & Dragons since 2019 with two different campaigns, and other TTRPGs whenever I can. I draw, paint and write, I love to dance to new wave and postpunk music and I spend most of my time with friends, my partner and our four rescue pets. I still study the tarot here and there, but my relationship with occult spirituality has been complicated. I spent much of my life enthralled with and a practitioner of Wicca but in recent years I have had a sharp turn away from the “health and wellness” discourse, which permeates much of Wiccan community. I still care for some of the philosophies and practices, and adore the art and histories of the occult but this change of heart has made it difficult to practice and study divination with the same fervor. Ironically, it was my passion for divination that lead me to pursue a therapy career, and it has been my training and experience as a therapist that has soured me on much of the occult practices I used to depend on. Different tools for different problems.
I now resonate most deeply with agnosticism. I am constantly challenging myself to keep an open mind about all things esoteric and unknown. It is my belief that life is more interesting and abundant the less we feel a sense of certainty, though certainty is often what we seek in spiritual quests. In all aspects of life, I try to remind myself that knowing can be a form of ignorance, pulling us away from other perspectives and untold histories.
Values
I am passionate about animal welfare, environmental conservation, the slow fashion movement, labor rights, sex workers rights, disability justice, anti-racism, fat liberation and I am firmly against religious tyranny and I am anti-capitalist. Though it helps to share these values individually, it is my opinion that they all closely intersect and build on one another.
Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Arts from the Art Institute of Chicago in Visual & Critical Studies focused on art history through the lens of gender and sexuality, a Master of Arts in Couple and Family Therapy from Adler University and I am fully trained by the EMDR Institute. I also served as Adjunct Faculty at Adler University, co-teaching the “Becoming a Kink & BDSM Aware Professional” course. I obtained my license to practice Marriage & Family Therapy in the state of Illinois in 2024, and have been a practicing psychotherapist since 2020. I interned in community health for my practicum and as a professional I was supervised and trained by Laura Grimes and Lena Elkhatib.
Payment & Insurance
I am in-network with United Behavioral Health (Optum), Cigna (Evernorth Behavioral Health), Blue Choice PPO, and BlueCross BlueShield of Illinois (BCBSIL) PPO.
Out-of-pocket rates are determined by income and are on a sliding scale basis. Please inquire further if you are interested in private pay. I can accept payments through Square, Zelle, and PayPal.
Services
Individual therapy: one-on-one treatment, bespoke to your individual needs, preferences and desired outcomes.
Relationship therapy: therapy that includes 2 or more individuals. Relationship systems I work with can include couples, relationship systems like polycules, D/s relationships, friendships, and coworkers. I do not work with family relationships. Relationship therapy requires only one person’s insurance plan.
Trauma therapy: trauma therapy can look like talk therapy, EMDR, narrative therapy, trauma-informed CBT, parts work or ego state therapy. I pull from a variety of modalities and philosophies depending on your individual needs, comfort level and what resonates with you. This is a creative process.
Sex therapy: sex therapy is a modality that can be applied to individuals as well as relationships. Sex therapy relies on education and talk therapy focused on sexual health, identity, self acceptance, sexual experience and expanding horizons. Sex therapy can also be a healing and vulnerable space.
Brief therapy: brief therapy is available for folks who want to work on one specific issue and otherwise feel supported in their lives. Brief therapy can also be supplemental to ongoing care elsewhere. This can be anywhere between 6-12 sessions that will be structured according to time and cadence. This can be individual, relationship or sex therapy. Trauma therapy does require more than 12 sessions.
Consultation: consultation is like brief therapy, but briefer. Sometimes just one conversation can make a difference. I am happy to meet with clients for any amount of time that feels helpful for them. Requests for meetings longer than an hour are considered on a case to case basis, and are subject to out-of-pocket rates.
Consultation for other therapists: I offer consultation at no cost for: students or pre-licensed therapists who want support in working with sexually marginalized populations, individuals with unconventional backgrounds/stigma pursuing therapy as a career, and current therapists with unconventional backgrounds/stigma looking for support and solidarity.